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I must learn to love the fool in me
the one who feels too much
talks too much
takes too many chances
wins sometimes and loses often
lacks self-control
loves and hates
hurts and gets hurt
promises and breaks promises
laughs and cries.


dailies
Kickette
ESPNstar
Duchess Lane
trying to look and think positive

got a wake up call from prof today. I really need to piece all that I've learnt together. I need to pick out all the theories along with the names of the creator and the year. It's only less than 3 weeks to exams. That I know. But simply, my style of studying doesn't seem to be suitable. So in this 3 weeks, I'll try my best to pick out all the theories, attach them to specific lectures. Pls pls pls let this work.

My commendable achievement today 27/10.
I read 3 articles. Not bad. But not good. I must read more more more!
26 oct 2010

am feeling myself becoming weak. october hasn't been great for me. My body seem not to be functioning properly. First I couldn't eat. Then the next week I was eating and still had gastric. next I was super energetic, able to stay awake the whole night. Then came the days where I felt as though I was floating, my mind almost out of my control but my eyes wide open. My mind wonders off and I could barely stay focused on what I'm reading. Tonight, my stomach felt funny, then I felt giddy again. I told my mum frankly that I foresee a day when I'll faint. That's how weak I feel myself becoming. Clearly iy's not because I have not been sleeping. I slept for 13 hours on sunday. Ytd I slept 10

November is coming. I have one more project to complete. The exams are coming. I have so much readings to clear. I have to toughen up. I have to strengthen up. I need to concentrate. I need to get the grades. I don't want to graduate so soon. I need to prove my worth, I'm not just a labourer who works for ur small pathetic pay, I disallow u from looking down on me. Your kids may be academically superior but that doesn't make all others inferior and to be looked down upon.

I hold grudge, this I've come to realise. Bad as it is, I still can't hold myself back. I can't simply forget it.I know I shouldn't behave as such. I just can't help it.

I also come to realise that I tend to complain a lot, hoping for attention. But also I realise There're people out there facing the same issue. So here I'm trying myself to push myself forward to encourage others to move forward too. I have to get rid of the tendency to be pessimistic.
not meant to be on FB

tempted to post a status: u don't wanna be tied down emotionally.

and "to control my emotions before they control me"

i'm really afraid i might go beyond my boundary. afraid i can't complete my work! omg give me more time!
day 3

today wasn't that bad. i managed not to be too bothered that i was late in submitting my summary despite finishing it beforehand. there's nth i can do abt it so, ya, don't think about it. the only thing i can do is remind myself to hand it in right after i finish it.

today's productive level was high until i got home. but overall i think i can say i spent >50% of my time awake doing something productive. good job! =D

spent quality time with charis =) finally after so long =) hope all goes well for her and of course for myself =)

tmr i had better write at least 1 para for work! it's due on the 15th. i have only 5 days omg =X
day 2

it really feels good to be smiling :D reason I smiled today was that I've got accepted into the program team for camp :) There will be pre camp in dec and next may. seems fun & organised :) only thing I worry is that my dear boss won't allow me to attend my meetings. Nvm, hope this camp would be better than the previous one ^^

Today I realised that I can't make myself continue doing sch work after I completed sth. Maybe this means I shld plan to commit all my time to one item per day. But that would be monotonous. perhaps another option would to complete sth when it's closer to bed time but not too late of course. Meaning in the day I shld devote my time to starting on sth

shall try it out Tmr :) Jia you~
day 1

decided to try to put down all the emotional baggage and move on with life. I need to rescue my CAP! So hopefully being happy will make it easier for me to study and may the words/ ideas stay in my mind

So lets see what have I done that's worth praising..

1) I tried hard to smile (even to myself) while travelling around.
2) I finished 2 chapters of readings. Shall try to Chiong the 3rd so that I can start on my summary :) glad that these 2 chapters aren't as bad as last week's

But... I'll still have to Jia you and complete my tutorials and essays asap because they are going to be due soon! And for the sake of my CAP, I had better get it done, well done.
mid sem test

mid terms came and left. SS was alright. POP CULTURE was disater. I just had it. and i tell u, what i wrote in an hour can be written by another in half the time. I could't recall whatever I read. cancel rewrite cancel rewrite cancel. that's what i did for 1 question. neither could i compose my arguements. i shld really go rethink on my study method and how did i spend my time. it's not as though i didn't have time to study. it's my fault period. this mid sem test was 30% of the final marks. omg. imagine getting 5 out of 30. how am I going to pass this module? the final is exam is 60%, so that's like i've to get over 40%? what can i do??!!

a) just pray hard that whatever little i wrote made sense? nope, checked my notes and it just made me feel worse.
b) pray hard that others fared worse than me. k that's very evil
c) pray that i somehow get HIGH grades for class participation, as if i do participate much
d) pray that everyone else's overall marks is around that same range. at least then, i won't be too far behind in the stupid bell curve

does this horrible feeling make me feel more motivated to put in the effort to prevent the same fate of my other modules? err. currently no. i'm just whining and whining and whining. i know there's no point in doing it but i can't help whining.

so pls get off facebook.
sit in front of the desk.
read.
if distracted medidate (according to LKY, that's what he does when he's distracted). how am i going to medidate?
stop thinking abt the partyig and whatsoever after exams, it might not happen
stop thinking abt what to wear? hell with the faculty and their reputation. just don't go to sch looking like a fucking nerd.